Hard to believe

A little insight……….

You need to understand, my dad had just been told he had untreatable cancer, that was going to take him from us sooner rather than later. He never felt sorry for himself, or even looked worried or scared. Was he? I really don’t think so. He had always said when your time is up, that’s it. What he actually said was ‘ when it’s time to put your cue in the rack, there’s nothing you can do about it’. I can tell you he never faulted.

His strength and bravery was certainly something to see. The medical staff couldn’t believe how he was coping. We didn’t know the surnames of the Drs treating dad, he was on first name basis with them all. I and the rest of our family cannot find fault in any of the medical staff that treated dad from when he went into hospital. They were all so wonderful and went out of their way to explain things to us that we didn’t understand. Nothing was ever too much trouble.

Dad was very clear on what he wanted in the end. Just let me go……. He made sure that all the Drs and nursing staff knew this wish and of course we, his family were all on board with his wishes too.

Sunday, June 14th.

Mum and I were getting ready to go into the hospital to see dad after his emergency radiation treatment. We spoke to him just before they took him away. He was as bright as he could be. He told us not to rush, he’d be around an hour and a half.

When mum and I got to the hospital he was still not back on the ward. We were told there had been a problem and the Dr would be coming to see us. Next thing we knew, we were being summoned to the radiation suite where dad was. One of his favourite nurses was standing outside and the look on her face was frightening…….something was terribly wrong. Dad was wheeled past us and looked like he’d had a stroke or something similar. The radiologist came out to us and told us of the terrible bleed he had just had, that the tumor around the carotid artery was now huge…….there was nothing more they could do except make him comfortable and wait.

By this time, my ballerina had joined mum and I, dad had been placed into a single room when we got back upstairs. He was awake and aware of what had happened to him that day and what was going to happen to him next. This was around 5.30 pm.

By 10 pm, we had said our goodbyes and dad was in a coma. My dad had a big, generous and strong heart. So strong it would not give up. Despite medication and all our hopes that his wish would come to him quickly, he stayed with us through til 4.45 am Wednesday morning. That is Wednesday June 17th.

So his entire journey in hospital was exactly 3 weeks. As I said previously we knew he was sick. It wasn’t the diagnosis that rocked our world so much as the speed at which he left us. If anyone had of told me the day he went into hospital that he’d be gone 3 short weeks later, I would never have believed them……..but it’s true.

Those days in the coma gave dad the peaceful end he wished for……..for us, his family, it was anything but peaceful. It was horrendous to watch and hear as anyone that has witnessed this would know.

For months prior to dad bring admitted to hospital, mum would wake at 4.50am every day. She would say she had no idea why and say she would just like to sleep longer. Once dad went into hospital I suggested there may be something to that time. Mum, being a bit of a sceptic didn’t think much of it……..that was until dad passed away at 4.45am.

The day he passed away was cold, bleak, raining and altogether miserable. I walked to the end of mums path Β and looked out over the ocean. It was around 4.30 pm and there it was, the most perfect double rainbow……I called mum out and we saw that as a sign that all was well.

There have been many things that have happened since then that have given mum pause and made her rethink he scepticism ……..but for now, we smile when we see a rainbow………

We miss you so much, you should still be here, but I know you are still with us. πŸ’™πŸŒˆ




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