It’s not just sex you know……..

So many people think of sex when they think of intimacy, yes it is a form of physical intimacy but it is generally a by product of many other things. Love, happiness, sadness, loneliness, a feeling of belonging, a feeling of comfort and being loved.

Being loved? Anyone that bases their love wholly and solely on sex is in for big disappointment. You can’t hang you hopes, dreams and emotions on a physical act alone.

True intimacy is very rarely physical. It’s a meeting and blending of the minds, hearts and yes, can lead to being physical, but what happens prior to that is magical.

It’s a quiet understanding of another, someone that you know deep down will do nothing to hurt you. A meeting of the minds on different planes at different times. Knowing what to do and say at just the right moment is intimacy in itself. Someone does not need to be a lover to find this, it can be found in true friendship too.

Like many aspects of relationships it takes time and a true willingness to understand one another. It takes listening, watching, asking…….and wanting to share your deepest darkest thoughts, flaws and desires without fear of judgement or alienation.

I have people that think I’m lonely and just need to go and find me a man. Oh my how wrong that seems to me.

Firstly, yes I am alone, but very rarely lonely.

Secondly, I have many men in my life that love me and I love them back, all in different ways, but love nonetheless, I am physically intimate with none of them, nor do I need to be. These relationships run much deeper that that…..they are filled with warmth, caring and most importantly,  trust.

If you are out there hunting down the ‘perfect’ partner stop…….there is no such thing as perfection when it comes to a person or relationship. Our expectations are generally so high, not many could live up to them. Look at the friendships you already have, nurture them, ask yourself what you are adding to them and how you can make these bonds stronger.

Lovers come and go for many reasons, we need to be able to stand alone in a world that expects us to ‘partner up’. There are two things that outlast most sexual relationships……family and true friends. Get intimate with these people, they will always be there for and with you.

Just remember……..listen without judgement, give without asking and love without expectation. Once you learn to do these things, in all relationships you will build true intimacy……….and that is a beautiful feeling.





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