I thought I was on the road of peace, happiness and wellness. I’ve been pain free, fatigue free and loving my life for the past 10 months. So excited to have been given the opportunity to take on a new career within the company, one that means so much to me. I’ve been able to travel and meet some wonderful friends that will remain in my life forever. For the most part my children and grandchildren are doing well.
Yes there is still that long lasting effect of dads passing, it’s always there and we all react differently to it. Unfortunately mum has come undone and no matter how hard I’ve tried to fight it, I have followed her down.
So here I sit……pain, fatigue and depression……yep, a Flare.
I’m the resident insomniac right? Well I’m now sleeping 15-18 hours a day……again. I don’t know which part of my body hurts the most. As usual my comfort eating has been reaking havoc. I’ve lost all motivation and interest in everything.
I am on increased meds to help get me back on track and no matter what I need to return to work next week. Is that putting extra pressure on myself? Of course it is, but something I need to do nonetheless. Despite everything I still have to live, bills to pay, food to buy…….income to make. I refuse to go back down the route of income protection again…..it caused more stress than the illness itself.
I know this will pass again. When I’m not sure, but it will. The one thing this has done is remind me there is no cure, when I’m good I’m lucky…..there is always the chance of a flare…..be prepared and deal. It’s a gentle reminder that I’m human and really do not possess super powers. Such a disappointment for me…..
However I still believe in fairy dust and miracles. I thank those that are in my tribe for your love and understanding. Things will get better, there isn’t another option.