depression, Fibromyalgia/CFS

Hopes and Fears

Today in my Facebook memories I stumbled across my blog post with the title ‘It’s not just sex……’. Mmmmm it was a reminder.
I still believe true intimacy can be found outside a sexual relationship and I still believe trust is the basis of all relationships.
I was having a particularly bad day last week and my rock, you know who he is called to say hello and mainly to check on me. He just knew……care and concern, love and connection a sign of true intimacy and the very reason he is my rock.

With my health doing its bit of history repeating itself I’m faced with a few major decisions at present. However it is these people that I share intimacy with that I will also take counsel from. Why? Trust. They have proven to me over and over, year after year to trust them and I know they will have my best interests at heart, without fear or favour. What I need to do versus what I want to do ultimately becomes what I can do.
Sometimes I need to throw it all out there and see where it lands. My friends look at all angles and come back at me. I don’t always like what they have to say, but I do trust them. The collective is usually wiser than one.

I am the first to admit I go with my heart 90% of the time and leave my head at home…..I wish to see only the good in others because I know it’s there, even when they don’t show it. I want to make a difference in the world around me. In my workplace, home, friendships, community……in anyone I come across. This philosophy makes me rather vulnerable as we all know I can’t fix it all. Then there are always those people you misread, you know the ones. They become what you want in a person to their own gains, they can suck the life out if you with the efficiency of a Dyson. Unfortunately it is not until you are left deflated that you realise what has happened. Then you question the motives of people you meet, it forces you to be guarded and cautious.
It is at that moment you retreat back to those you trust, shaking your head asking what you did wrong…… this is my bit of wisdom……you have done nothing wrong!!!! No matter how good, nice or caring a person you are you can never control the actions of others, you can only control your own and then how you react to them.
Please don’t let these people stop you from being you. If I started to lead with my head I wouldn’t be me. I’ve been this way for almost 51 years. I’m the first to admit you can teach an old dog new tricks but you can’t change the true soul of a person.
So I will keep smiling, caring, trusting and trying to make the world around me a little kinder. I will wear my heart on my sleeve and believe there are genuinely good people out there for me to continue to connect with.
After all, everyone in this world no matter their gender, race, orientation, value or age are only one moment away from a complete life change, be it a wrong financial decision, illness or any number of reasons. Never judge what you don’t know about someone but don’t take advantage either. If someone is being nice accept it. If someone is offering you friendship accept it.

Be vulnerable, be careful but most of all be you. You are unique, there is no other like you. There is a certain kind of magic inside all of us we just have to believe.


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